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It's Okay To Not Be Okay All The Time.

“Breathe in. Breathe Out. Let all the pressure to appear ok drop off of you.”

This is an exercise that I do a few times a day. I no longer care what someone else may think about coping methods. Especially when it comes to coping with the heaviness of #grief and #loss.

I’ll explain.

December 2021, a few days before Christmas, our family lost a pillar. My sister-in-law suddenly passed away. To say that brings me to tears. The only comfort is that without a doubt, she is with our Lord and Savior. When it’s too heavy I imagine her dancing in the streets of glory. In that admission, you must understand how heavy her loss is but not just to me. This loss is deep for my dearest husband, my children who love her deeply, my brother-in-law who lost his only big sister. Then my dear Mother and Father in law…There is a void that won’t be filled in her absence.

Insert more room to exhale…

In February, my nephew tragically passed away. I haven’t fully come to terms with his passing, I am coping the best way I can. I firmly believe that God knows exactly what needs to happen when we in our human eyes can’t comprehend death and grief.

These events have led me to fully understand that is okay to not be okay. My family experienced a wave of grief during the beginning of the pandemic (2020 marked 3 funerals on my mother’s side of the family) and it was very hard. That doesn't mean any of this is easy or that I have become conditioned to handle death better.

Grief is difficult and it changes you in some ways. One day, I am “ok” then the next I feel stuck. Anxiety persists and makes simple things like phone calls seem like a trigger now. I have to calm myself when I see my brothers' text or call me, and I say “it’s going to be ok and it may not be bad news on the other line. "Breathe, pray and answer the phone.”

Why am I sharing this with you? Because I have noticed others suffering from loss and I feel strongly that we can all help each other if we feel comfortable sharing when it's the right time to do so.

So, it’s ok to not be okay. It’s ok to have a pocketful of tears some days. It’s perfectly normal to miss someone so much that it hurts a little. Just take the time you need to breathe through it all. Trust God to be your anchor and your constant place of comfort during seasons and moments of grief and loss.

Here are some ways that you can manage grief and loss:

  1. Admit and accept that the loss happened.

  2. Spend a lot of time in prayer.

  3. Recite scriptures when you feel good and when you are overwhelmed.

  4. Cry when it’s time. (Crying is a release.)

  5. Look at pictures/videos; cherish the memories you made.

  6. Talk to a therapist.

  7. Watch a funny movie or two.

  8. Random phone calls with your people or person.

  9. Spend quality time with your family. (Resist the urge to isolate)

(These aren’t in any particular order )

How do you process grief? Leave me a comment with helpful ways that you cope, it might help someone else.

Thank you for taking a moment to read.

I pray you were encouraged, please share this blog with others who are experiencing grief.

With Love,

Tenia Hoskins

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